Van’s First Blog Post

I started this blog because I want to anonymously write. I’m not going to tell any of the people in ny life ab out this blog so I can write comfortably not worrying about the opinion of my friends, family, coworkers etc. If you’re reading this and you’re uncomfortable with swearing or rude talk, then probably you should just leave now. I don’t really want to censor myself and want to write freely.

I hate the first blog post always as I feel compelled to write all about me and a little backstory and such, but this time I’m not gonna, I will do ten random facts about me though as I love lists!
1. I am a single mama to one nine year old boy.

2. I do yoga every single day! I haven’t missed a day in over sixth months and want to become a yoga instructor.

3. I work in a very male dominated industry, I am the only female in the entire company!

4. I love sports. Football is number one (Go Dallas), then hockey (GO PENS!!) and I am currently learning about basketball.

5. I am Canadian.

6. I curse like a sailor.

7. I love to cook and bake.

8. I am trying to live meat free, with minimal carbs and a ton of veggies. Sometimes I fail and eat meat and chips and fries and chocolate. The struggle is real.

9. I am in my early thirties and LOVE IT. My twenties were rough, my teens were rougher and my childhood was horrendous. Thirties are pretty damn good so far.

10. I have one sister, she lives on the other side of the country and is the opposite of me in many ways. We have some similarities, but mostly we are very different. She amazes me always though.

Bonus: My son has a kitten and we are fostering another kitty! I used to have a chihuahua but he passed away a couple months ago. I love animals!

So that’s ten facts about me. I am sitting at my son’s swimming lessons waiting for him to finish. Usually I swim with him, but I’m on my period, so I don’t want to swim. I am on a diet currently, which is something I don’t usually do, but I am hopefully going to Washington, DC in July to meet this amazing marine I talk to every day, in person. I also am hoping to go to yoga school in October so I need to be in peak physical condition for both of those things. I hate dieting though and I will probably take a cheat day on Friday, and I will be drinking with my friend Sunday which is high in calories and sugar.

In June I’m going to go alcohol and junk food free for the entire month though. I’d like to get to 125lbs ideally. I should probably get a scale, but currently I just weigh myself at my auntie’s house. I already achieved my goal of getting into a size small, but now I want to focus on muscle building and looking lean and being solid but small af. My back muscles are coming along nicely and you can notice faint abs which is amaze balls to me. Other goals I have are: write in this blog at least three times a week, perfect handstands, do scorpion, flip the grip (yoga obsessed I tell ya) and finish YTT (yoga teacher training).

I am supposed to go to the Marine Corps Ball with my marine, but it isn’t until November, and I am not one to believe it’ll happen until it does.

Okay I am all out of things to write about today, but I am sure I will have much more later this week.


There’s a lot going on right now. I just passed the seventeen year anniversary of the day my bio mom tried to kill me by running me & my friend over for not getting in the car while she was wasted. That is usually a pretty hard day for me, but I’ve definitely gotten better at handling it. I just did yoga, took my kid to school & went to work. When I was younger I used to get wasted or go do something reckless, or get tattooed or pierce something or some other slightly crazy thing.

Something odd that happened the other day, I was talking about the incident with my stepmom who responded with “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I was like what do you mean? You JUST emailed me the court transcripts from my teens a few months ago. She continued to say she had no clue what I was talking about. My family is so weird about things, they’re definitely the type to brush shit under the rug.

They also deny my step-sister’s drug addiction, all of the assaults that have happened on their daughters (there are four of us in total & most have suffered some sort of sexual trauma growing up), any physical abuse we dealt with as children etc. When I told them they should get help for their issues they said they had no issues, they took care of them years ago. The family is definitely bizarre. Moving on…

In so much more exciting and happy news, I GOT ACCEPTED TO YOGA SCHOOL! I also put my deposit down to hold my spot. Now I need to come up with 700 bucks before July first to pay the next portion. I’m working on writing an essay explaining why I deserve a partial scholarship (it covers $825 bucks which is hella helpful). I start October 15th and will finish January 28th. After I finish I’ll be able to teach yoga anywhere in the world!

The best part about yoga school for me is that it’s Friday nights, Saturday & Sunday all day, which means it won’t affect my work life at all. It will mean that I will see my kid far less for about twelve weeks, but in the end I’ll be able to earn extra money doing something I LOVE, and a good life requires sacrifices, so I hope it’s worth it.

The kid is going away for an entire month in 15 days. It is definitely freaking me out. I think it’s important and will be good for him mostly, but I am very nervous about the entire situation. He’s not been away from me for that long in nine years. I’m sure it’ll be a great time for both of us! What do people without children do all the time? I guess I’ll find out. I feel like I’ll spend a lot of time at the gym, in yoga classes or being lazy. I can’t imagine I’ll be eating the best food though…I never cook when the kid isn’t here.

Speaking of food at the kid, I guess I better go figure out what to feed him for dinner tonight.


Mom Beds

I don’t know what it is about the beds of mothers, but they’re a special place. I remember when I was little, Edie’s (My bio mom) bed was an amazing place to me. I would lie there watching her get ready for dates, wondering if I too would be do the same thing one day. I remember trying to get her to let me sleep in bed with her and she’d never let me. I remember once she had a waterbed with silk sheets and my cousin and I wrestled on that bed for ages, the waves of the water making the game far more fun.

As a mom myself, my bed has been a special place in itself. My son slept in my bed with me for most of his life, we’ve always had pets and they’ve also slept with me, my friends have all crashed in bed with me at some point, and my son will randomly come in in the mornings to lay down on my bed and watch me get ready for work. When we watch special movies, they’re usually in my bed, and yes we eat snacks in it. My bed is a nice king sized malm bed from IKEA, but I used to have a tiny double bed and at the time we had a cat, were fostering a dog & my son slept with me the majority of the nights. At one point with that bed my sister also came to stay with me and she joined us in the bed.

The one disadvantage of having a huge bed is that I always seem to lose stuff in it! At any given time there is an iPad, laptop, phone, water bottle, inhaler, mouse, book, stuffed animals, real animals and vape in my bed. Oh and don’t forget the myriad of controllers and remotes in there as well!

I’m not sure what it is about mom beds but they seem to be a very special place for children, so I try to make mine inviting & ¬†comforting for my son. I am not going to lie though, when the kid is gone for the night and now that I’m no longer living with a boyfriend, I will often just lay back & enjoy the fact this giant ass king sized bed is ALL MINE and I spread out all over the entire thing.

Anyway, that was definitely a long winded ramble on mom beds, but it’s just been in my head for a few days since my son was begging to just lie in my bed for TEN MINUTES because it’s the comfiest bed in all the lands!!

Hope anyone reading this has a lovely Sunday!